6.12.15

Self-Help for William Byrd




We all need a little help sometimes, which is why there are organizations and associations dedicated to helping you change your life in 12 steps 
(for almost anything you could possibly need help for) 

For William Byrd, however, I am not quite sure he lived so long as to see how a 12 step plan could really change his life, but if he were here, these would be his steps: 

#1 - Do not "roger" anyone but your wife - and do not think of it as "refreshing her" - think of it as physically showing your love for her, but only if it is clearly reciprocated by your wife 

#2 -  Never refer to your lustful/evil actions as actions carried out by your "Dark Angel," take full responsibility for each of your evil acts 

#3 - Do not boast about yourself, your "colonial greatness" does not endow you to have "zipper issues" 

#4 - You are not above anyone else - you, as well as everyone else, are under God. They are not your slaves, they are your employees - treat them as such, with better housing, food, respectable hours, and proper medical assistance 

#5 - Never see an employee as an admirer, never admire an employee - you have a wife 

#6 - You own a farm, get your hands dirty. Be less of a gentleman farmer and more of an actual farmer - be a hard-working man - "Idle hands are the devil's tools"

#7 - Inflict no harm onto your employees, your wife, your friends, your business partners, your friends, etc 

#8 - Continue with your exercises 

#9 - Replace boiled beef with fruit and vegetables - it is healthier for your body and your mind 

#10 - Personal hygiene is a must - body and teeth 

#11 - Get a full night's rest to prepare for your next day - no naps during the daylight 

#12 - Say your prayers - individualize your prayers each night - saying the same one each night dampers its importance to you 

#Congratulations